clammy

i was told i'm like a clam
and that i need to open up more.
it's not the first time i've been told this.
it's just not that easy for me
i create a great facade
a facade that is usually unbreakable unless i choose to crack it,
slightly..
but if someone else starts to crack it for me,
i tense up,
shut down
and shut out.
i pushed too many people away
created too many complications.
it just wasn't right.
i was so confused
it was easier to just ignore.
but ignoring just made it worse.
and that's what i do best,
i ignore.
i don't face things,
i just wait for them to blow over.
and a gale may be blowing on the other side
but because i never resolved it,
everything just starts to build up on top of me.
so as i get crushed,
my defense system retaliates and tries to protect me
putting up a layer after another layer
until i become..
a clam.


but remember,
open clams get eaten.